


Intoxication

by directium



Series: Daniel's Descension [3]
Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Drunkenness, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Violence, Slight mention of Gwenvid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 22:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12198255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/directium/pseuds/directium
Summary: Everyone else at the camp goes on a hike, leaving Gwen and Daniel alone. Perhaps she can teach the cultist asshole how to have some real, non-murdery fun.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was mostly an excuse to write Gwen and Daniel getting drunk together and it was a lot harder than I expected. Also hey, multiple chapters!

"Good morning, Daniel!"

"Go die."

David let out a familiar laugh as Daniel pulled the blanket further over his head in the hopes it would keep the other at bay. But much like every other morning, he was no so lucky and soon found himself staring up at David with a venomous expression while David held his blanket in one hand. "Come on now, sleepyhead, the kids are waiting for us!"

"They wouldn't be if you'd just let them sleep in," Daniel pointed out, as he sat up. "Or just...let them sleep forever. Underground. In tiny, little coffins. I could make it happen, it'd be quick and mostly painless-"

"For once, I'm going to ignore that," David said, and set the blanket down on the end of the bed. "Because I am just _that_ excited for today's activity!"

Daniel groaned as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Oh, so you weren't excited about the camp activities up until this point? I'm _so_ glad I was here to witness such a rare and unusual reaction from you."

"Very funny," David said, his hands now on his hips. "But I will admit that while I do love most camp activities the same amount, there are a few that I happen to favor a tiny bit more than the others. And the one I have planned for today is one of my top three favorites! Right behind music and just before arts and crafts!"

Daniel made a face. "I know I'm going to regret asking, but what _is_ today's activity?"

David's smile widened as he pulled something out of his pocket and began to carefully unfurl it across the top of the desk near his bed. "We're going on a hike!"

"...Wonderful."

"We'll head out after lunch," David said, letting his finger gently trace over the line he had marked out in pen. "I already have the perfect trail mapped out for us! One that covers as many of the best viewing spots as possible, but also allows us to remain mostly shaded by the forest throughout the day. We don't want another sunburn incident, do we?"

Daniel fell back down against the bed again and squeezed his eyes shut. "Well, great, I hope you and the brats enjoy yourselves. And I hope none of them fall off a cliff. Actually, who am I kidding? That'd be a dream come true for me."

"Don't be such a downer," David said. "You're coming, too!"

Without opening his eyes, Daniel raised his right leg up a few inches from the mattress and gestured to the ankle bracelet near his foot. "Oh, so you've received permission from the judge to let me leave the campgrounds for a short while? Because that will only go so well if you haven't."

He waited for David to make some kind of enthusiastic comment about how he did, in fact, receive permission from the judge to temporarily lift the house arrest, or how they modified it so that he only needed to remain a certain number of feet from David at all times until they returned to the campgrounds. But when David remained silent, Daniel opened an eye out of curiosity and noticed that David's excited expression had been replaced with a look of guilt. "...You completely forgot about my house arrest, didn't you?"

David shifted uncomfortably. "I was so busy planning the hike-"

"-that you completely forgot the only reason I'm not snapping everyone's neck within a five-mile radius?" Daniel interrupted, and sat up again. "Tsk tsk, David. What a sloppy, unprofessional mistake to make."

David stared at him with a scolding frown. "I wouldn't point out _my_ mistakes if I were you, _Daniel_. Unless we'd also like to discuss _yours_ as well?"

Daniel raised an eyebrow. "I'd love to, actually!" he said, counting on his fingers. "Mistake number one: Not smacking you upside the head with my fiddle when I had the chance. Mistake number two: not smacking you upside the head with your own stupid guitar when I had the chance. Mistake number three: not smacking you upside the head with-"

"Uh, should I intervene?"

Both men looked towards the door to their side of the cabin, where Gwen now stood with a confused expression on her face. "No, Gwen, everything's fine!" David assured her, as he refolded the map. "Daniel and I were just discussing today's hike-"

"-that he forgot I couldn't go on," Daniel added, arms crossed. "Because I'm not allowed to leave the campgrounds."

"It was an honest mistake to make!" David said defensively. "I'm just...not quite used to him being back at camp or the fact that he can't leave the campgrounds yet."

"Because you're an idiot," Daniel said.

"Once again, I really don't think you of all people can pull the 'idiot' card on him, Kool-Aid Man," Gwen said.

"Must you keep bringing that up?" Daniel asked, narrowing his eyes.

"I'll stop when you do," Gwen said.

"I just can't believe I forgot something so important!" David said sadly. "I mean, we can't just leave Daniel at the camp by himself while the rest of us go on the hike!"

"I'm not a _child_ , David," Daniel said. "What on Earth do you think I'm going to do while the rest of you are gone?"

"Sneak into the Mess Hall and put nails in tomorrow's applesauce?" David suggested. "Poke holes in the life vests to drown anyone who tries to use them?"

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Juvenile. Bits of glass would be a lot harder to spot in applesauce and therefore easier to swallow by accident, and the life vests already have plenty of holes in them. Seriously, this entire camp is one big health hazard. I'm surprised these kids weren't dead _before_ I got here."

Gwen stared at him silently for a moment, before she turned her attention to David. "You know, I think I have an idea. You take the kids on the hike, and I'll stay here with Daniel."

"Aw, Gwen, I couldn't ask you to do that," David said. "You'll miss out on the hike!"

"And I don't _need_ a babysitter," Daniel added, his arms crossed. "Because I'm not going to do _anything_ while you're gone."

"You've spent the entire time you've been back at camp threatening to kill people," Gwen pointed out. "Also, when being accused of putting nails into applesauce, most people would respond with something like 'that's awful, killing and hurting people is wrong!', not 'glass shards would obviously be more effective.'"

"Well, they _would_ ," Daniel said defensively. "Again, nails would be too easy to spot in applesauce. There's just no point in using them."

"I rest my cause," Gwen said, with a look to David. "We can't leave him here by himself."

"I don't know, Gwen," David said uncertainly. "Will _you_ be safe, staying with him all day without any help?"

"I'll be about as safe as you are when you're alone with him," Gwen pointed out. "I mean, you two share a room and he hasn't killed you yet, right?"

"But he wants to," David pointed out in return.

"Aww, so you _are_ smarter than you look," Daniel said sarcastically. "Good for you, David!"

"He looks exactly like you, Jim Jones," Gwen said.

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Oh, that's _real_ original."

"So's the way you tried to kill our campers with Kool-Aid," Gwen shot back.

Daniel glared daggers at her, but remained silent as she turned her attention back to David. "See? He's a cinch to handle. He's more like a bratty camper than anything. Think of him as an older, whiter...more sacrifice-y version of Max."

David couldn't help but smile at her comment, and made an attempt to cover it with his mouth. "Well, I guess if you're sure about this, then I could always ask the Quartermaster to assist me on the hike today." His expression softened. "Still...stay safe today, alright? I'm not normally one for the violent approach, but if he so much as lays a finger on you, don't be afraid to...well, you know, rough him up a bit!"

"You have never threatened a person in your life, have you?" Daniel asked, once again rolling his eyes.

"I'll be fine, David," Gwen said assuringly, ignoring Daniel's comment as she placed a hand on David's shoulder. "If anything, I feel like you'll have a harder time with _your_ babysitting duties today then I will with mine. I mean, the kids are probably going to hate you after you make them trek through the forest for hours on end."

"Or, they'll come to realize that hiking is both a fun activity _and_ a wonderful way to keep in shape!" David said cheerfully.

Gwen shook her head with an amused smile. "Whatever you want to tell yourself, pal. Now hurry up and go get breakfast before it gets cold. Besides, you need to tell the campers about today's hike, right?"

"Oh, my gosh, you're right, Gwen!" David said. "I'd better get to the Mess Hall! Won't they be surprised to hear about how much fun we're going to have today?"

"Surprised, annoyed, annoy _ing_ ," Daniel said. "All good words to describe them, really."

David shot him an annoyed look before he hurried out of the cabin, and Gwen followed suit after shooting Daniel a look of her own. Shaking his head, Daniel pulled the blanket up from its spot by his feet to over his head and let himself fall against the mattress again.

While he hadn't gotten a chance to properly interact with Gwen alone neither before nor after his sentence, she had made it more than clear that her opinion of him was on par with everyone else's at the camp. Even ignoring her constant barrage of nicknames he couldn't understand, she had adamently refused to share a side of the cabin with him upon his return (with a sincere apology that was clearly only directed at David as she tranferred her belongings to the side that had gone unused up until that point) and she had made no attempts to hide her amusement whenever one of the campers decided to use him as their punching bag (sometimes literally in Nurf's case). And while it was so easy for Daniel to get under David's skin, Gwen seemed to have a talent in getting under _his_ skin in return.

So as far as Daniel could tell, she hated his guts about as much as everyone else at the camp and, unlike David, had no qualms about making it common knowledge as opposed to hiding it or expressing it in a passive-aggressive fashion. And he would be stuck with her for Lord-knows-how-long while David and the demon pack were on their hike.

With a groan, he buried his face into the pillow as he attempted to fall back asleep for just a little longer before the other counselors returned. He was going to need all the energy he could get today.

\----------------

"Alright, is everybody ready to go?" David asked the group cheerfully.

"Hell no." With a scowl, Max pointed at Daniel. "Why the fuck do we have to go on this stupid hike while dickhead over there gets to stay at camp and not suffer like the rest of us?"

Daniel raised an eyebrow. "I mean, if you'd like to suffer, Max, I'm sure I could arrange that. No, I _know_ I could arrange that-"

"That's _enough_ , Daniel," David said, before turning back to the kids. "He and Gwen are going to stay here, while the Quartermaster accompanies us on our hike."

A bitter grumble was the Quartermaster's response. "Damn two-bit cultist...getting himself sent here. Can't even make a decent batch of poison... Ruining my plans to go get new hooks today..."

"...Uh, did you say hooks, as in plural?" Neil asked nervously. "Why do you need more than one?"

"One for business, one for none of your business!" the Quartermaster said fiercely.

"...Noted."

"Aww, Daniel can't come on the hike with us?" Space Kid asked with a sad expression.

Daniel smiled and knelt down in front of Space Kid so they were at eye level. "I'm afraid I have to stay here. But you go have fun without me, okay?" He lowered his voice after a quick glance over at Max. "And if you see Max too close to the edge of a cliff, don't be afraid to give him a little... _push_."

"But isn't that mean?" Space Kid asked. "Won't he get hurt if I do that?"

"...I'm sure he'll be fine," Daniel lied through his teeth. "Plus, isn't he mean to you all the time? It would only be fair to be a little mean back, right?"

" _Daniel!_ " David said sharply. "You keep telling Space Kid to do bad things and you won't be allowed to spend time with him anymore!"

"What?" Daniel asked innocently. "I was just telling him... _not_ to push Max off a cliff."

Space Kid looked up at him, confused. "But you said-"

"I know what I said," Daniel said, his voice low again. "Go ahead and push him if you get a chance-OW, OW, THAT'S MY EAR!"

Daniel hissed in pain as Gwen dragged him away from Space Kid with a tight grip on his ear. "Have fun on the hike, everyone!" she said. "And good luck, David."

"Same to you, Gwen," David said cheerfully. "We should be back around dinner time, but I'll have my phone on me and I can be back here like *that*-" He snapped for emphasis. "-if you need me to be."

"Like I said this morning, I'll be fine," she assured David, and tightened her grip on Daniel's ear, an action that earned her another unhappy sound from him. "See? He's easy to handle."

"Gwen, that's mean," David said.

"You're smiling."

"...I'm just excited for the hike," David fibbed.

"I'm not," Max said. "Can we hurry up and get this over with already?"

"Right, of course," David said, and gestured for the kids to follow him as he began to walk towards the direction of the trail. "Come on, campers. The day waits for no man, or camper!"

"Pretty sure that's not a saying," Max said irritably, as he shuffled after David.

"It is now~!" David said matter-of-factly. "Because I'm saying it!"

Max rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay..."

"Bye, Daniel!" Space Kid said with a wave. "I'll bring you back a souviener if I can find one!"

Daniel's ear was momentarily forgotten as he waved back at Space Kid. "Have fun, Space Kid! Remember what I told you 'not' to do-OW, you're still holding my ear, _Gwen_!"

"I know," Gwen said, and finally let go of him as the group disappeared among the trees.

Daniel glared at her while he rubbed his sore earlobe. "Why did you do that?"

"Hey, I could have just called the judge instead," Gwen pointed out. "But honestly, you not only said your plans out loud but also probably confused Space Kid in the process, so I doubt David's going to let Max leave his side during the hike. Way to go, Isaac."

Daniel gave her a perplexed look. "Isaac? Did you...forget my name?"

"Holy shit, you need to read some Stephen King," Gwen said, shaking her head. "But not right now. I have other plans for the two of us anyway."

"Us?" Daniel asked. "I'm not doing anything with you. I'm going back to the cabin and I'm going to enjoy the lack of other people for as long as I can."

Gwen crossed her arms with a smirk. "Oh? Doing what exactly?"

"Sleeping, preferably," Daniel said. "Having a morning person for a roommate usually leads to me rising earlier than I'd prefer."

Gwen shook her head amusedly. "Alright, I can't pretend I haven't been there. But in my experience, trying to take a nap in an air-conditoning-less cabin in the middle of summer isn't the easiest task in the world. You're just going to be miserable, tired, and bored."

Daniel scowled. "Well, what did _you_ have in mind, then?"

The question had barely escaped his mouth before Gwen took hold of his wrist and pulled him along towards her side of the cabin in an almost-eager sort of manner. Her grip was a lot less painful than it had been on his ear, but Daniel still yanked his hand back as if she had hurt him once they came to a stop outside her door. "Is this how you treat all your co-workers?"

"Only the cultists," she said as she pushed the door open. "Follow me."

Rolling his eyes, Daniel obeyed and stepped into the cabin behind her. Unlike his and David's side (which was mostly decorated with either the tacky camp memerobilia or the occasional poster from a movie Daniel had not seen), Gwen's side of the cabin contained a shelf of magazines and books, with titles that Daniel could only assume were disturbingly sexual in nature, several drawers with labels to define which article of clothing lay inside, and an old radio that resided on the windowsill. In the far corner lay a TV, the two arm chairs that Gwen had brought to her side when they divided up the furniture in the cabin, and a minifridge that seemed awfully new and pricy compared to the rest of the furniture.

"I really hope we didn't drink all of them last time..." Gwen muttered to herself as she headed for the minifridge and began to rummage around inside it. "Here we go. Heads up!"

Before Daniel could process her warning, she tossed a bottle of _something_ in his direction. He managed to catch the glass bottle without letting it shatter on the wooden floor, and peered down at the label curiously. "Smirnoff?"

"It's vodka," Gwen explained, and slammed the fridge shut. "Well, about five-percent vodka. But it still manages to get _David_ tipsy after a few bottles, so I can only imagine what it'd do to you, Veggietales."

Once again, Daniel frowned at her. "Okay, I realize that you probably hate me for obvious reasons, but if you only brought me over here to call me more names I don't understand, then I'm not-"

"Calm down, dude," Gwen said, her expression serious. "Look, I'm going to be honest, I didn't invite you to my side of the cabin to give you a hard time. I did it so we could hang out."

Daniel's scowl disappeared. "Wait...what?"

"I mean, I'm not saying I want to be best friends or anything like that," Gwen said. "Honestly, you're kind of an asshole, and I'm not _entirely_ fond of how you've treated David and the kids."

"I think they treat me worse than I treat them," Daniel said.

"Hey, you _did_ try and kill them," Gwen pointed out. "I know I wasn't here for whatever happened during your first visit, but from what I heard, they have every right to be pissed at you."

"A fair, yet annoying, point." Daniel narrowed his eyes at her. "Is there a 'but' anywhere in your sentence?"

" _But_..." Gwen continued, "knowing David, it'll be ages before he and the others get back from their hike. Last time, we got lost and it took us half a day to find the path back to camp. And since we're the only two still stuck at camp, I figured we could kick back, have a few drinks, watch a bad movie or two..."

Daniel's suspicious glare melted into a look of confusion. "You...really want me to hang out with you? This isn't a joke?"

Gwen shrugged. "I mean, you're the reason I get to stay here instead of trekking through the woods all day, so I owe you for that at least."

Daniel his gaze fall to the bottle in his hands again. "Well, the offer is tempting, but...I don't really drink or...watch movies."

"Really?" Gwen asked, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, the movie thing I can understand, you know _nothing_ about pop culture. But don't cults usually, like, throw wild parties _just_ so they can drink or have wild orgies or whatever?"

"That's stereotyping," Daniel said, making a face. "Extremely offensive stereotyping. Besides, my religion-"

"Cult," Gwen corrected him.

"My _religion_ -" Daniel said stubbornly, "-was more on the...conservative side of things. The consumption of alcohol or the use of electronics like computers or television was usually frowned upon if they were being used outside of religious purposes. Even procreation before marriage was considered a sin. Impure, toxic behaviors that would cause us to stray from the path towards ascension and down the path towards Xemug."

"And yet, child killing wasn't on that list of impure, toxic things that would lead you towards your cult's bootleg version of Xenu?" Gwen asked.

Daniel glared at her and turned back to face the door. "You know, I _don't_ have to take all this teasing from you. I could just return to the other side of the cabin and attempt to sleep. It'd be a lot better than listening to you call me names and insult my previous religion-"

"Wait, hold on."

Daniel fell silent, his annoyance towards Gwen forgotten for a moment as he felt her grab his wrist with a surprising gentleness. He looked back at her, his surprise blooming further at the serious look on her face.

"Look..." she said, pulling her hand back. "You're a prick and I'm not sorry for insulting you."

Daniel frowned again. "Oh, well, thank you _so_ much."

"Let me finish," she said. "You're a prick and I'm not sorry. However...clearly the religion thing _is_ a sore subject for you. Especially since you keep calling it your _previous_ religion or _previous_ beliefs. And in my experience, when someone often cuts ties with a previous religion, they struggle with adapting to life without those beliefs, and even cling to some of their old ways as a means to cope."

Daniel felt his shoulders tense at her words. "Oh, so you're a therapist now?"

"Psycologist, actually," Gwen corrected him. "Duel-majored."

"Well, aren't you special?" Daniel asked sarcastically. "Do you have a point?"

"My point is," Gwen continued. "If the reason you're afraid to drink or watch movies is because of your religion, well...you said yourself that you weren't a part of it anymore. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, but drinking alcohol or watching a movie isn't going to make you, like...go to Hell or...Xemug or...whatever when you die."

"Just Xemug, but I appreciate the attempt to be religiously appropriate after that orgy comment," Daniel said.

"And I mean, even if it did, you kinda already screwed up with the child-killing thing, so you're probably already going somewhere shitty when you die anyway," Gwen said. "You might as well go all the way with breaking from the path and have as much fun as you can."

"...You really aren't great at giving pep-talks, are you?" Daniel asked.

"I mean, am I wrong?"

Daniel's grip tightened on the bottle in his hand as he looked down at it again. As much as he hated to admit it, Gwen did have somewhat of a point in all her annoying and mostly-unhelpful ramblings. While he'd long since accepted the fact that everything he had once believed in was based on lies and false hopes, he had still made somewhat of an attempt to keep to as many of his previous ideals as he could.

No alcohol or drugs to poison his system. No television or internet to corrupt him. And while he had not been able completely to stick to his previous detoxification diet during his house arrest, he had still turned down a number of offers for, in the camp's case, literal junk food and chose only to consume the limited number of actually-healthy options that the camp had to legally provide for the campers.

Perhaps it was as Gwen suggested, an attempt to cope. Perhaps he simply had a hard time accepting the fact (ugh, facts again) that everything he had believed in was false. Perhaps he was clinging to some small hope that maybe, just maybe, he'd been wrong about the things he'd seen during his moment of death. That it had been some sort of test of faith as a result of his mistakes and the Ancient Ones were still watching him, waiting to see if he dared to stray further.

Either way, he had done his best to keep true to the way he had lived his life before the events of Camp Campbell. And while it was impossible to stick to _all_ of his previous ideals, he had still managed to stick to the basics as best he could. To hold onto that slim hope that...maybe, he could still reach ascension one day.

But...

They weren't real.

He'd never be pure in their eyes, even if he wanted to be. Because _they weren't real_.

And even if they were, even if all of this was really some kind of test to measure the strength of his faith, it was too late. He had fallen from grace the moment the poisoned Kool-Aid passed his lips and not the lips of the campers. He had doubted the existence of his Gods, doubted his beliefs...

Gwen was right; If he had already lost his chance at ascension, then...where was the harm in falling further?

"When you say fun...what exactly did you have in mind?"

\------------

"The broken seatbeat's foreshadowing," Gwen said, pointing at the screen. "That's a drink!"

"Don't spoil it for me!"

"It's not a spoiler if you _know_ death's coming for him! Now take a drink!"

Falling from grace had tasted like a mix of strawberries and the scent of a permanent marker, with a burning aftertaste that reminded him strongly of the sensation he had felt after ingesting the poisoned Kool-Aid. However, the reminder only lingered for a moment and was replaced with a warm, tingling feeling after a few more sips of the drink.

They had been about halfway through their first bottles when Gwen had approached the TV and began to dig around inside a cardboard box that lay at its left, packed with DvD cases that looked pretty wear and tear from old age. After a few minutes of shuffling the contents around, she held up one of the covers with a triumphant look and a smug reassurance that he, of all people, would enjoy the _HELL_ out of this movie.

And, despite his skepticism at first, he had to admit that, once again, Gwen seemed to know what she was talking about. Not that he'd ever admit to her that she was right about anything, but a movie where people did nothing but try and escape the hand of death, only to meet it in the most horrible and gruesome fashions possible was definitely keeping his attention in the best way. Or perhaps the two bottles of Smirnoff he had ingested since they had first started drinking was finally beginning to take effect on his system.

Either way, the sight of a girl being hit by a bus in the most ironic and over-the-top way possible, followed by the house of one of the remaining characters bursting into flames after her painful and bloody death via knives and glass to many vital areas had been the funniest thing he'd seen in a long time. Granted he would have preferred it to happen in real life to real people, but fictional deaths were a surprisingly decent substitute in a pinch.

"So, remind me again why we need to drink whenever there's either a death or foreshadowing to a death?" Daniel asked as he raised the bottle to his lips.

"I explained the rules already," Gwen said and took a drink of her own. "When you watch a movie with a ton of repeating elements, especially a _bad_ or _stupid_ movie, you make a drinking game out of it and get shitfaced with other people."

"Yes, I'm aware," Daniel said. "But _why_?"

"...Because it's fun?" Gwen said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Now, shh, this is one of my favorite scenes in the movie."

Daniel raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said the movie was stupid?"

"It is," Gwen said. "I've watched it fifteen times."

Daniel opened his mouth to question this, but the sounds of a train hitting metal tore his attention back to the movie. "Oh, come on, he survived that?! _How_ did he survive that?! I thought you said he was gonna die!"

"Just wait for it," Gwen said, her mouth curling into a knowing smile and her eyes still on the screen.

Daniel followed suit, just moments before a piece of metal flew from the previous trainwreck and decapitated one of the remaining characters onscreen. Daniel let out an amused cackle and raised his bottle. "Okay, _that_ was worth the extra wait time for another death."

"Too bad we've got more waiting to do now," Gwen said, and took a sip of her own drink. "There's not going to be one for a while."

"Oh, come on, really?!" Daniel asked. "I thought you said this movie was full of gore and death?"

"Well, it is, but unfortunately a lot of it is in the first half," Gwen said. "The sequels really amp up the gore factor and the deaths are even more gruesome."

"So why can't we watch those?" Daniel asked.

"Because Campbell probably stole the DvDs we already have and won't shell out any money to let us buy more," Gwen pointed out.

Daniel flicked his thumb towards the minifridge. "And yet you could afford _that_?"

"Oh, I got the money for that by selling the parts to your 'purification sauna' after you were whisked off to the hospital," Gwen said with a smirk. "There's a scrap yard on the outskirts of Sleepy Peak, and they pay pretty handsomely for good metal."

Daniel glared at her. "So _that's_ what happened to it..."

"Hey, I wasn't about to leave that shit lying around here," Gwen said. "It made the kids uneasy, and I'm sure Campbell would have had the same idea if he returned and found it before I did anything."

"And you didn't offer David any of the money?" Daniel asked.

"Who says I didn't?" Gwen asked. "He used his half to buy new supplies for as many of the camps as he could. Unfortunately by the time he got to swimming camp, there wasn't enough to buy new lifejackets. Go figure."

"Of _course_ he did," Daniel said, rolling his eyes. "Wait, so he bought supplies for the camp and you bought a mini fridge? Seems a bit selfish, don't you think?"

"I know, but I wanted _something_ nice for myself, damn it!" Gwen said. "Lord knows I can't buy anything with the salary Campbell gives us. The guy's an even bigger asshole than _you_ are!"

"Ooh, not so fond of the boss, are we?" Daniel asked, an eyebrow raised.

"You've worked here long enough to know the answer to that," Gwen said. "I mean, when you said this camp was a walking health hazard, you weren't lying. Campbell doesn't give a shit if we don't have enough running water or healthy food or safe camp equipment, and I'm positive he's only keeping this camp open because it's a good place to hide when the government's hot on his tail."

"You're certainly quick to loosen your tongue when it comes to gossiping about him," Daniel pointed out. "And yet, you've been silent about David and the campers. Surely they must push your buttons, too?"

"Nice try, pal," Gwen said with a smirk. "I'm fine with dragging Campbell through the mud, but I'm not about to talk shit about David or the kids in front of you. When _I_ complain about them, I do it out of love. When _you_ do it, it's because you want to hurt them."

"You're not wrong there," Daniel said, taking another sip of his drink.

"What about you?" Gwen asked. "Got any boss horror stories? Or...cult...leader...horror stories? Yeah, maybe you're right about me not knowing how your cult works."

Daniel shrugged. "Not much to tell there. I have no ill memories towards the leader that my group followed when I was younger."

"So how'd you originally get involved in all of that anyway?" Gwen asked. "Were you born in it or-"

Daniel shook his head. "I was about five when one of the members of the group picked me up off the streets and convinced me to join them with promises of a better life."

" _Five_?!" Gwen asked in disbelief. "Jesus Christ...And they didn't, like, try to sacrifice you or anything?"

"The group didn't sacrifice _every_ child they came across," Daniel explained. "Sometimes when the number of followers were low, they'd look for those who had next to nothing left. Those who needed guidance, a better life... Those who could grow and learn the ways of the Ancient Ones, and go on to spread their word to others. And as a homeless kid, that sounded a lot more appealing than dying of starvation in some random alleyway."

"...Well, was it?" Gwen asked.

Daniel looked down at the bottle in his hands. "You know...I'm not so sure anymore. I dedicated my life to following the teachings of our group, and did everything I could to keep myself on the path towards ascension. And for what? Gods that turned out to be fake? To be back where I am before everything happened, with nothing to guide me in life? Perhaps it would have been better if they had left me to die."

He shook his head. "I think I might have had too much to drink. I'm normally not so talkative about these sort of things with anyone."

"You've had about two bottles of a drink with five-percent vodka," Gwen pointed out. "But it's like I said earlier, sometimes people have a hard time coping when they cut ties with a religion they once dedicated their entire life to, especially if it's because of something that was out of their control. You may be a massive prick in everything else you do, but you're not a prick for feeling lost and confused about that. It happens, dude."

Daniel bit his lip. "Well...thank you for that, at least. I mean, other than the insult."

"Hey, you still want to kill kids," Gwen pointed out. "My sympathy towards you can only go so far before I remember that."

"Speaking of that," Daniel said. "May I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"You don't like me," Daniel said. "You've made that clear ever since I returned to camp. So...why did you want to hang out with me while the others were off on the hike? I mean, not that I'm complaining, but you could have taken this chance to make my life miserable. I guess I'd just like to know why, for the most part, you didn't take advantage of that opportunity?"

Gwen sighed. "Alright, look, you're right about me not liking you. You're a royal pain in the ass, you complain about being stuck at this camp when it's your own fault you're stuck here, and again...kid-killing. That's pretty shitty."

"So I've been told," Daniel said.

" _But_ ," Gwen continued, "if I were to hold a constant grudge towards everyone who tried to kill kids at this camp, the only ones I wouldn't be mad at would be myself and David. Hell, even Max has had a few failed attempts here and there. This camp is...not a place for people with good morals. Aside from, like, David, but he's...David."

"I'd argue that even his morals are not as pure as he'd like to believe," Daniel said.

"In any case," Gwen said, "since the kids you keep threatening are outside the campgrounds and you can't really do anything to them, I figured I could cut you a break today. And as I mentioned earlier, you being stuck here means I don't have to waste my day hiking through the woods. So I owe it to you to be at least a _little_ civil for now."

"Well, I do appreciate it," Daniel said. "And I...do appreciate you helping me feel more comfortable with things like...well, all of this. I'll...admit that it _is_ somewhat helpful. In an annoying, insulting, kind of way."

Gwen let out a snicker and offered her glass to him. "And I'll admit, it _is_ kind of nice having a co-worker who isn't just another David."

Daniel raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you weren't going to drag him around me? I mean, if you've changed your mind about that, then I'm all for it-"

"I'm not dragging him," Gwen clarified. "I love the guy. He's the sweetest person I've ever met, and he makes this shit camp a little less shitty just by existing."

Daniel let out a scoff as Gwen continued: "But sometimes, I don't need sweet, you know? I need someone who wants to complain with me. Someone who can just...watch a stupid movie and drink with me, and we can laugh at dumb things together. I mean, as long as the dumb things aren't people I care about."

Daniel chuckled, and raised his bottle. "Complaining? Now _that_ I can do."

Gwen smiled and clinked hers against it. "Good, because some more bullshit is about to come up that you're _really_ going to enjoy bitching about."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, that movie they watched is real and what it is is probably obvious if you've seen it. But tell me he wouldn't ADORE that series.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drink responsibly, kids!

"That was the best movie I've ever seen in my life."

"You've seen other movies?" Gwen asked.

" _You've_ seen other movies!" Daniel said defensively, as he downed the last of the vodka in his bottle. "And none of them were probably as good as that one! Unless they had more deaths. You said the sequels had more deaths, can we watch those?"

Gwen let out a laugh. "I already told you, Campbell won't give us money for more DvDs."

Daniel reached over and pressed a finger to her lips. "No, shh, we have to watch the sequels. We...we _have_ to!"

"We can't afford them," Gwen said with a giggle as she pushed his hand away. 

Daniel felt silent for a moment, deep in thought. "We could sell something and use that money to buy more."

"Oh, yeah?" Gwen asked. "What could we sell?"

Daniel took another sip of vodka as his gaze traveled around the cabin. "...That radio. On the windowsill."

Gwen laughed again. "That old thing? It doesn't get any stations and David got one of his CDs stuck in it, so unless you know a hardcore fan of 'Pocketful of Sunshine', I doubt we'd get shit for it."

"Pocket of what now?" Daniel asked, raising an eyebrow.

Gwen looked at him in surprise. "Don't tell me you didn't listen to music during your cult days?"

"I listened to music," Daniel said. "But like...religious stuff."

Gwen's eyes widened as she rose to her feet and crossed the room. "Okay, okay, we have to fix that. Right _now_."

She stopped in front of the radio, and gave the on-switch a flick with her finger. The usual silence of the cabin was instantly broken by the peppy lyrics that poured from the speakers and Gwen did a giddy spin before she re-approached the couch. "Come on, Daniel, dance with me!"

Daniel made an attempt to push her away, but the smile on his face and the drunken giggles he attempted to hide behind the hand with his now-empty bottle were quick to give away his true intentions. "Nooo, dancing's illegal."

"Illegal?" Gwen asked.

"The..." Daniel raised a finger as if he were attempting to silence her again. "I...can't remember words. The...the ones. The ones who say it's illegal."

"Haha, you're drunk," Gwen said, and gently pressed a finger to his nose in a playful gesture. "You can't even remember what your Gods are called!"

Daniel gave her a pout and swiped her hand away. " _You_ can't remember what they're called! Anyway, they said I can't dance. Because it's illegal."

"Hey...hey, Daniel?" Gwen said, her voice low as she leaned in close to his ear. "Hey, guess what?"

"What?" Daniel asked, his voice just as low.

"I won't tell if you don't," Gwen said, her words followed by a sneaky laugh.

"That sounds inappropriate," Daniel said, making a face.

"Ew, it does, doesn't it?" Gwen said. "That was an accident. But dancing's fun. Come on, dance with me. Be a rebel and break more of Papa Xemug's rules! Or...the Ancient Ones' rules...Look, I just want to fucking dance, okay?"

Daniel chuckled and let his empty bottle fall to the cabin floor as he rose to his feet. "Fine, but only because you were right about the movie and the alcohol being fun. Because those were _really_ fun. But you have to promise me something if I dance with you."

"Yeah, alright." 

Daniel leaned in close to her. "Never tell Gwen I said she was right," he said in a loud whisper. "She'll never let me live it down."

Gwen laughed and took his hands. "Deal!"

Daniel laughed in return as she began to spin with him to the beat of the song that was bursting from the radio's speakers. The motion was ridiculous and silly and the song peppy and annoying with lyrics to match, but Daniel could feel a rush of adrenaline swelling up inside him as the two of them danced around the cabin in a giggling mess.

It had to be the alcohol making him act so foolish. That would definitely explain the headache that had begun to form after the bottles of vodka he had consumed and the fact that his feet were suddenly not doing what he wanted them to do. But he continued to spin with Gwen to the beat of the catchy song that surrounded them, and even laughed with her as the two of them constantly stepped out of rhythm due to their inebriated state.

"God, you really do suck at dancing," Gwen said.

"I told you, we weren't allowed to do it!" Daniel protested. "God, we weren't allowed to do _anything_ fun, were we? Except murder kids. That's fun. I really hate kids, Gwen."

"You're the worst, dude," Gwen said with a smile. "But you're actually kind of fun when you're drunk."

"And you're fun when you're not calling me names that are references I don't understand," Daniel said, smiling in return. 

"What about when I'm insulting you for being a murderer?" Gwen asked.

"Oh, I don't care about that," Daniel said. "Murdering is great."

"You're the worst," Gwen said. "Wait, I said that already. And you said that, too."

"We're doing stuff we've done before?" Daniel's eyes went wide as he came to a stop. "Gwen, it's like that movie when the kid had a vision. Are we going to die?"

"Yes," Gwen said, her tone serious as she pulled him closer. "It's too late for us, pal. Death will be knocking on our door at any moment."

Daniel's eyes went wide as he held onto her shoulder. "Should we fight back?"

"We could," Gwen said. "Or...we could go to the Mess Hall and break into the secret snack stash that David and I have hidden from the campers. I don't know about you, but I don't want to die on an empty stomach."

"That's a good point," Daniel said as they approached the cabin door. "But what if death tries to get us before we reach the Mess Hall?"

"Well...then maybe we can throw the platypus at Death, while we run the other way," Gwen suggested.

"I like that idea," Daniel said. "I hate that little freak of nature almost as much as I hate kids."

\--------------

"I love spray cheese. And vodka. I love spray cheese and vodka."

Gwen made a noise of agreement as she placed another piece of candy in her mouth. "Great combo. Whoever invented it is a _genius_."

"Smartest person ever..." Daniel said, and held the bottle of spray cheese up in the air above his head. "This is to the smart people. May they always be smart and...not dumb."

"Aw, man, we should have done this while we were watching the movie!" Gwen said with an unhappy groan. "Snacks? Drinks? Movies? That would have been so fun!"

Daniel looked over from his spot on the floor to the spot that Gwen had claimed. "I take it back, _you're_ the smartest person ever."

"You wouldn't say that if you weren't hammered," Gwen said, and reached over to touch his face. "You'd be...you'd be killing kids."

Daniel chuckled softly. "Yeah, you're right. Did I say that killing kids was fun yet? It's so fun..."

"Yeah, like five times. Dickhead."

Daniel fell silent, his groggy stare back on the ceiling as the song that had been looping for God-knows-how-long continued to play. He had downed a few more bottles of vodka since the movie and their perilous quest to the Mess Hall for snacks (luckily, neither death nor the platypus had crossed their paths) and he was beginning to feel this odd, floating sensation that spread from his chest to his fingertips to his head and then to the rest of his body.

Was this how it felt to be drunk? Giggly, happy, floating... It was so odd to him, like the way he would behave when he wanted to trick children, only the feelings of giddiness weren't fabricated. Odd, but...not necessarily in a bad way.

The vodka had been a choice that had resulted in fun. The movie had been a choice that had resulted in fun. The dancing, the junk food...

Today had been...fun. Spending time with Gwen had been...fun. Or, at the very least, it had left him without that feeling of overwhelming annoyance towards her mere existence.

He looked over at her. "...Hey, Gwen?"

"Yeah, Drunky McMurder Pants?"

"You weren't even trying with that one," Daniel said with a giggle.

"Shut up, vodka makes my nickname game weak," Gwen said. "What did you want?"

"...You're smart," he said slowly.

Gwen looked over at him. "You said that already. I mean, I'm flattered, but..."

"No, I mean," Daniel continued. "You're smart. You have two degrees. You're a no-nonsense girl. Why work at a camp like this? I mean, this place is awful. But _you_ have the choice to leave. So why don't you?"

Gwen was silent for a moment as she finished eating another piece of candy. "It's because the real world sucks, that's why."

Daniel raised an eyebrow and looked at her again. "Care to elaborate?"

" _Gladly_ ," Gwen said. "See, when it comes to being an adult in the real world, you're screwed from the moment you get out of high school. You want to go to college? You need a job to pay for everything. Want a job? You need college experience. Oh, but not too much, because then you're _over_ experienced. So the only jobs you can really get at that point are shitty retail and fast food ones, where everyone is rude and obnoxious and you can't tell them off for it, because then you'll lose your shitty job. And a shitty job is still better than no job, because at least you're getting _some_ money."

She took a drink. "And then there's this fucking camp, where the owner is shady as all Hell and doesn't give two shits about who he hires, so long as they don't ask too many questions and they do their job. It seemed pretty ideal for someone fresh out of community college and stuck in that 'shitty retail and fast food job' loop. At least, that's what I thought until I actually _got_ the job. Now I'm stuck here in the middle of some rundown camp and unable to get another job, no matter how hard I try."

"That sucks," Daniel said. 

"It does, but not always," Gwen said. "I got one of the best and most supportive coworkers in the world, the kids are...alright when they want to be, and hey...I guess I now have a new drinking buddy, too. So there's some good things about this place."

"Buddy?" Daniel asked. "You really consider us friends?"

"It's an expression, dude," Gwen said. "I definitely wouldn't consider you my friend. But you _are_ fun to drink with."

Daniel gave her a knowing smile. "Glad to hear we're on the same page. I don't need friends, but...today has definitely been fun. More fun than I've had in a long time."

"Well, I'm glad I could help," Gwen said with a smile. "Hey, how long has this song been playing?"

"I don't know," Daniel said. "It's annoying, though."

"Should I turn it off?"

"No, it's the best song ever!"

" _Right?!_ " Gwen said. "It's so good!"

" _So_ good!" Daniel repeated loudly. "Why is everything you've shown me today the best thing ever?"

"Because a lot of it was your first experience with music and movies outside of your religious stuff, so you have nothing else to compare it to?" Gwen guessed.

"...Yeah, probably," Daniel said.

"Hello? Gwen? We're back!"

Both lifted their heads and looked towards the cabin door at the sound of David's voice. "Aww, fun's over," Daniel whined as he sat up.

Gwen chuckled and rose to her feet. "Come on, we'd better go greet them."

"Do we _have_ to?" Daniel whined. "Can't I just stay here on the floor? It's comfortable and my feet don't work when I try to walk."

Gwen laughed and offered a hand to him. "I'll help you. Come on."

With a pout, he took her hand and let her pull him to his feet. He snaked an arm around her shoulder and the two of them headed outside and around to the front of the cabin as David and the group approached from the hiking trail.

"Sorry we took so long," David said as they came to a stop before the cabin. "We hit a _bit_ of a snag during the hike-"

"We got held hostage by rebel squirrels," Max said bitterly. "For FIVE. HOURS."

"Now, Max, 'held hostage' is a bit of an over-exaggeration," David said nervously. "But...yeah, the hike didn't go _quite_ as expected."

"The squirrels tried to overthrow my rule," the Quartermaster said. "So I killed some of them to prove a point. Turns out that just makes them mad."

"Haha, I've been there!" Daniel said loudly, a wide smile across his face. "Too bad none of you died!"

Gwen snickered and pushed him. "Shut up, you can't say that, asshole!"

"You let me earlier!" Daniel whined.

"Yeah, well, I'm not letting you now!"

The group stared at them, looks of confusion on their faces. "Gwen, what's going on? Did everything go okay?" David asked uncertainly.

"Oh, yeah, we had the BEST time!" Gwen said happily. "I taught Danny Boy here how to have some _fun_!"

"David..." Daniel said slowly, as he let go of Gwen's shoulder and staggered towards David. "David...I know we've had our differences, but I just want you to know that..." he placed a hand on David's shoulder, "you are the most annoying person in the world and I hate you. _But-_ " he leaned closer to David's ear, his voice lowering to a whisper. "-I feel like I should tell you this as a coworker: your vest is...way too small. I don't know if you know that, but it is."

He had barely finished the sentence before he melted down in a fit of giggles while David stared at him in disturbed confusion. "Gwen, is he drunk?" he asked.

"Oh, my God, _is he drunk?!_ " Max repeated with hopeful surprise. "Please fucking tell me he's drunk!"

"Hell yeah I am!" Daniel said happily. "If the Ancient Ones were real, they'd be SO pissed at all the fun I had today! And I don't even care! Because it was AWESOME!"

"Yeah, you tell him, Daniel!" Gwen said cheerfully. "Unless you start insulting him, then I'll smack you."

"Aww, now _you're_ no fun!" Daniel whined.

"Oh, my God, this absolutely makes up for the shitty ass hike," Max said, a wide smile forming on his face. "This is the best day of my life. Hold on, where's that phone?! I _have_ to record this!" 

He began to dig around in his sweater pockets for a moment before he pulled out a familiar cellphone and turned on the camera. "Hey, Daniel, say some more drunk stuff!"

Daniel looked towards Max and shuffled towards him. "You want me to say stuff? I'll say stuff. You're an annoying brat and you ruined my life and...you..." His voice trailed off as his gaze landed on Max's hair. "...soft hair. You have really soft hair."

Max snickered and took a step back as Daniel tried to reach for his hair. "Oh, my God, he really is drunk!"

"Cool!" Nikki said. "Do me next, Daniel! Say some drunk stuff about me!"

"You are..." Daniel said slowly. "...Actually, I don't know much about you, Nikki. You just kinda eat everything you can get your hands on and smell like dirt...Dirt's gross. Why do you smell like it? Take a bath, you disgusting child."

Nikki let out a giggle. "Cool! Being drunk makes him fun!"

"Haha, fun," Daniel said with a smile. "I had so much fun today!"

"Now, kids, don't encourage him," David said. "Alcohol abuse is a very serious thing and should be avoided if you can help it. And drinking in moderation is very important. Also...is that my cellphone?"

"I stole it when the squirrels tied us up and attempted to cook us," Max explained.

"Now, Max, you promised to stop stealing it," David scolded. "I'm very disappointed in you."

"Oh, are you saying I should _stop_ filming Daniel making an ass of himself?" Max asked, an eyebrow raised.

David stared at him for a moment, but did not respond. Instead, he turned his attention back to Gwen. "Gwen, I told you to keep an eye on Daniel, not get him drunk! ...What if he was...you know, indecent with you?"

"Aww, David," Gwen said fondly as she stumbled over to him. "You're so sweet, caring for me. It's why I love you, pal. But you know that if he had done anything like that, I would have snapped him in half like a twig. Just like..." She made a snapping sound with her mouth, and made a motion as if she were breaking a stick in half.

David couldn't help but smile at her words. "Well, I guess you do have a point. But...you really had fun with him today?"

"Hell yeah I did," Gwen said happily. "That pain-in-the-ass actually has a fun side! Can you believe it?!"

David looked towards Daniel, who had drunkenly stumbled through the group of kids before he fell to his knees in front of Space Kid. "Heyyy, kiddo. Did you do what I asked?"

"I'm sorry, Daniel!" Space Kid said sadly. "I couldn't remember if you said I _should_ push Max off a cliff or if I _shouldn't!_ Plus I...didn't really want to push him. And David said it would be mean..."

Daniel gently patted the side of his helmet. "Hey, it's alright, buddy. You're a good kid, and you should be proud of that. You have so much more potential than any of the other brats here and the fact that you wouldn't compromise your morals for anyone is admirable."

Space Kid smiled at him. "Aw, thanks!"

"No, I mean it," Daniel said, and hugged him tightly as tears began to form at the corner of his eyes. "You're just...such a good kid. Why can't all kids be as good as you, and not make me want to kill them instead?"

"Oh, my fucking lord, he's actually crying now," Max said gleefully, the phone's camera still aimed at Daniel. "This is the best day of my life. Who wants a copy of this? I won't even charge for it, just _someone_ find a way to get this online!"

"You know where my computer is," Neil said.

"I'll take one," Nurf said.

"I'm down," Ered added.

David shook his head, but the smile on his face only grew larger. "Alright, everyone. I think we've all had a long day, and we should head to the mess hall for dinner. And as for my intoxicated co-counselors, I think the two of you should retire to the cabin for the rest of the night."

"No work!" Daniel said happily. "Nice! Max is right, this _is_ the best day ever."

"Sorry, David," Gwen said apologetically. "I was just trying to get him to loosen up."

"It's alright, Gwen," David assured her. "You didn't do anything wrong. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that everyone had fun!"

"Yeah, none of us had fun on that hike," Max pointed out.

"...Well, are you having fun now?" David asked.

"...Fair enough," Max said, and finally turned off the camera. "What's for dinner?

David beamed. "Quartermaster, could you please lead the way? I'll join you after I help my co-counselors to their beds."

"Damn cultist," the Quartermaster grumbled as he ushered the kids along. "Can't even handle his alcohol properly... Makin' me waste my day... Ain't got no time to go get my new hooks now."

"Daniel, I have to go to dinner," Space Kid said, and attempted to remove himself from Daniel's clingy grasp. "But we can look at the stars after dinner, if you want."

"Stars..." Daniel said softly, as he let his arms fall to his side. "That sounds nice. We should do that."

"Daniel has to go to bed early tonight, Space Kid," David said, as he helped Daniel to his feet. "But the two of you can look at stars tomorrow!"

Space Kid's smile widened as he hurried after the other campers, while Daniel let himself fall against David. "No, bring him back..." he whined. "He's better than you...Heh...Get it?"

David shook his head as he lead him towards where Gwen had also fallen to her knees. "Now, I don't approve of this behavior at all. But at least your insults are not as mean as they used to be."

"You're...not as mean as you used to be," Daniel said, in a failed attempt to insult him.

"I'll take that as a compliment," David said, as he offered a free hand to Gwen. "Need some help?"

"I can walk," she insisted, and stood up. "I'm fine. Take care of...that guy."

Daniel let out a giggle. "She can't come up with nicknames. Because of the vodka."

"You head on back to your side of the cabin, then," David told her. "Be sure to drink plenty of water! I'll be over to check shortly."

"You got it, hot shot," Gwen said, and formed both her hands into a finger gun motion as she drunkenly backed away. "Stay cute!"

David's face flushed a bit as he watched her go, before he helped Daniel into their side of the cabin. "She _must've_ had fun if she's that giggly. What did you two do?"

"We..." Daniel stopped for a moment to think. "Movie. There was a movie. People died. It was fun!"

David stared at him for a moment. "You really did have fun, didn't you?"

"Gwen's fun," Daniel said with a wide smile. "She's great. Don't tell her I said that."

David couldn't hold back a laugh as he helped Daniel into bed. "She is pretty great, huh?"

"She introduced me to..." Daniel listed off the items on his finger. "Drinking, movies, dancing...good food. David, David, have you ever had spray cheese? It's so GOOD!"

David chuckled. "Yes, I've had it. I take it Gwen showed you where our snack stash was located?"

"Snacks are so good, David!" Daniel said passionately. "Dancing is fun! Movies are fun! Gwen is fun!"

A fond smile formed on David's face as the blush from before returned. "Yeah, Gwen's amazing."

Daniel stared at him for a moment before his eyes went wide. "...David, do you like Gwen?"

"What?!" David said, his smile replaced with a look of shock. "I-I mean, of course I _like_ her. She's so smart and funny and nice, and she's a great co-counselor-"

"No, no, no," Daniel said, and leaned close to him with a grin that would make the Cheshire Cat blush. "You _liiiike_ her, don't you?"

Biting his lip, David stood up straight and hurried towards the door. "I'd, uh, I'd better go check on the campers at the mess hall. You need to rest, anyway."

"You should tell her," Daniel said as he settled against the pillow. "If you like her, I mean. I mean, she's incredibly annoying, but nice. And you're incredibly annoying, but nice, too! You're perfect for each other and you should tell her if you like her. Because then you can be annoying but nice...together!"

David stopped in the doorway. "...You know, you're a lot more insightful and a lot less threatening when you're drunk."

"Yeah, vodka's amazing!" Daniel said. "I haven't been this happy since my time at the last camp when I watched all the kids reach ascension! That was a fun day..."

"And you're back," David said, shaking his head. "At least you and Gwen enjoyed yourselves today."

"Talk to her, David!" Daniel said in a sing-song voice as David headed back outside. "Sweep her off her feet! Or have her sweep you off yours because you're a weakling with twig arms."

\---------------------

"I'm dead. I'm dead and you killed me with vodka, you horrid bitch."

"Oooh, breaking out the 'b' word?" Gwen asked with a weak laugh as she propped herself against the bathroom door. "Also you are the biggest fucking lightweight I've ever met."

"I am never trusting you again," Daniel said with a groan. "Last night was awful. The worst of my life. Vodka was a huge mistake and I regret every sip."

"I don't remember you saying that," Gwen said. "I remember you saying over and over that you had a lot of fun and that you were glad you listened to me."

"I said nothing of the sort!" Daniel argued. "Also I had a dream about a plane and explosions that I'm pretty sure were caused by that stupid movie!"

"Normally, when you get as drunk as you claim to be, you _don't_ dream," Gwen pointed out. "And as for the movie thing, I seem to remember you saying over and over that you loved it and it was your favorite."

Daniel cast her a dirty glare. "How do you remember that? Also, how are _you_ not suffering from this?"

"Because I've drank worse than a couple of Smirnoffs in the past," Gwen pointed out. "Again, you are a HUGE lightweight, dude."

Daniel opened his mouth to retort, but only ended up emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet he was curled around. "I feel like I drank rat poison again."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Gwen said with genuine regret in her voice. "I should've had you drink some water between the vodkas. That's on me."

"You're the worst," Daniel muttered weakly. "You're the worst and I hate you."

"The feeling's mutual, pal," Gwen said. "But...I did have fun yesterday."

"Well, how lucky for you," Daniel said bitterly.

"I had fun, and I think you did too," Gwen said. "You just don't want to admit it."

"Oh, so you suddenly know me after a night of drinking?" Daniel asked. "Just go babysit the brats, I don't need your sympathy."

Gwen stared at him for a moment before turning to leave. "Alright. Then I guess you don't want to hear about what I'm doing later today."

"I don't," Daniel said. "Go away."

"I'm heading into town with the Quartermaster while he goes to get his new hooks," Gwen said, ignoring him. "Apparently a new pawn shop opened up there, and they take old radios, no matter how busted."

"What makes you think I care?" Daniel asked.

"Because I was thinking of taking in the radio on my side of the cabin and maybe using the money I get with it to get a cheap copy of the sequels," Gwen said. "I figured I could stock up for the next time the two of us are stuck at camp together again. And as for the dancing...I could just get the music on my phone. Honestly in retrospect, I have no idea why we have the radio at all."

Daniel looked at her with another bitter expression. "Yeah, well...who says I wanted to watch them with you? Who says I want to do anything with you anymore?"

Gwen raised an eyebrow. "So you _don't_ want to watch the movies where people get impaled, burned, crushed, and killed by a nail gun with me?"

Daniel pouted a bit. "...Is there really a death involving a nail gun?"

"Third movie. Seriously, I'm willing to bet that it'll be your favorite out of the bunch."

Daniel was silent for a moment. "...Fine, whatever, get the movies. But I'm not drinking again."

"Fair enough," Gwen said. "Next time, I'll have to introduce you to soda instead. I'll even get you the grape flavor, Sullivan Knoth."

"And we're back to the ridiculous nicknames," Daniel said with a scowl.

"You know it," Gwen said. "Though, I'm not really proud of that one. The game was _awful_."

Daniel let out an annoyed groan as he once again emptied his stomach. "Fine, whatever, just leave me alone."

"Alright, alright," Gwen said. "Oh, one more thing?"

" _What?_ "

"...David asked me out this morning."

"Ew."

"He says you talked him into it," Gwen said, a smile forming. "Did you?"

"I have no memory of the things I said or did last night," Daniel said. "Anything I _did_ say was the result of too much vodka in my system and I take it all back now."

Gwen chuckled softly. "Well, if you did, then thank you. Honestly, I was...kind of wanting to ask him out for a while. But I wasn't sure if he liked me in that sense. So, I appreciate you kind of...playing the wing man for us, so to speak. The very drunken wing man."

"Does it look like I care about your romantic life?" Daniel asked. "Leave me alone!"

Gwen held up her hands defensively. "Okay, geez. If we start making out, I'm going to make sure we do it in your bed just to piss you off."

"Just so long as that's _all_ you do!" Daniel said. "I may have stepped outside my comfort zone in more ways than one last night, but that's the last thing I want to be exposed to!"

Gwen laughed again as she finally left him alone to once again empty his stomach of the previous night's contents. _Never again..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I was going to end this on a happy note for Daniel, did you? Do you know what AU this is?
> 
> Also he is REALLY fun to write drunk. Also also Max absolutely posted that video online.

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, that movie they watched is real and what it is is probably obvious if you've seen it. But tell me he wouldn't ADORE that series.


End file.
